Tag: capricorn

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interviews

Ray Rachlin

Ray Rachlin, they/she, Refuge Midwifery

Katie: Alright! Well thank you so much for making the time to chat today. Just to get started, could you tell me a little bit about who you are and about the kind of work you do, about your practice?

Ray: Sure, my name is Ray Rachlin, my pronouns are they and she. I’m a professional midwife, licensed midwife and lactation counselor here in Philly, Pennsylvania. I serve kind of Philadelphia, southeast PA and then all of south Jersey. My practice is part home birth, so I’m a home birth midwife and I help people give birth in their living room or their bathroom or y’know, hallway, wherever. And I also help queer folks get pregnant. So, specifically doing home intra-uterine insemination or home IUI, and kind of trying to build community with queer people who are trying to concieve, get pregnant, have new babies. Both through teaching classes like “Beyond the Baster” which is my favorite, funnest class to take when how to get pregnant when you lack sperm, and also community events.

Katie: Awesome, that work is so important! What are you queering right now? 

Ray: I think I’m constantly trying to queer birth work and the birth world. I think… yeah, pregnancy and birth and having new babies is like the most gendered experience in our society. I got into birth work from a social justice/reproductive justice perspective, and what I kind of continue to find and work around is that the way that the childbearing year is gendered really takes away people’s agency and humanity in the process and y’know, queer-centered care is individualized care that calls people by their names and treats them as respected individuals, and everybody deserves that. That’s what I’m kind of trying to work for and build within the birth community here in Philadelphia. Folks that are providing queer-centered care in all aspects of y’know, pre-conception, pregnancy, birth and postpartum. 

Katie: Awesome. And what inspired you to do the work that you do?

Ray: I definitely got into it through activism and social justice work. Long before I got into birth, I was a labor organizer and then… life situations came up and I was like, “I want to learn how to support people!” so I became a doula. It was like this switch flipped: oh, this is what I’ve supposed to be doing with my life. And birth kind of had all the answers of all the ways I saw problems and systems of oppression coalescing and it was like, “Oh, this is where everything starts and where I want to work.” I felt like, as a doula I was a bandaid on a gaping wound and the first time I went to a home birth, it was life changing. Because I was there as a doula, I’d probably been a doula for like 1-2 years at that point. And what I saw was the midwife worked around the needs of the person in labor. That when you bend over to listen to the baby, instead of telling someone, “Oh, we lost the baby, you need to get back in the bed.” birth looks completely different. I saw agency, I saw empowerment in a way that.. And just a birth that was fundamentally different from anything I saw in the hospital, and it was like OH – that’s what I need to be doing. And If I’m doing this at home and hospitals have to compete with this kind of care, they’re gonna have to behave better. That started off this long trajectory of choosing to become a direct entry midwife, so I trained exclusively with out of hospital birth, so home birth and birth center. So I just wanted to create a different paradigm of how we get to provide care that restores choice and agency to families and ultimately creates competition for hospitals so they have to change their practices to be more family centered. 

Katie: Yeah. I really appreciate the framing of that both for what it is in and of itself and the uniqueness of out of hospital birth experiences, and also how that is also like pushing change within the systeem. 

Ray: Yeah. I think there’s lots of different ways that, y’know, midwives are change agents in every part of society in every society that exists. But midwifery in the US is particularly a mess and like, some folks choose to work within systems to try to create change and that was not the road for me. I was like, I wanna work out- I want to create an alternative that isn’t navigating the same systemic oppressions in the ways that I’m having to provide care. There are a lot of limitations to out of hospital birth in the united states, and like, working outside the system but for me the benefits are outweighing the downsides and we can create our own alternative that better meets our needs.

Katie: And you’ve touched on this in all of your answers, but just to be really explicit about it, how do you describe your support philosophy in the care that you provide?

Ray: I think for me, being a midwife is about showing up for this process. I don’t have a particular stake in what choices people make or how their birth goes but it’s about providing consistent support, providing full information so you can make decisions about your body and understand what’s going on, feel supported and like someone has your back through the whole process. I think that’s what helps people into empowered parenthood. Just having someone in your corner for all of it. A good friend of mine phrased this well, and I kind of like, this is what I always come back to: Midwifery is about the restoration of choice. Y’know, bringing choice and autonomy and agency and respect back to pregnancy and birth. It’s done through relationship with my clients, it’s done through informed choice, it’s done through slowing things down and so there’s time to make decisions. It’s creating a revolution in our life and society through birth. 

Katie: And so, I asked you a little bit about your natal work, but I also need to ask you about your natal chart. What’s your sun, moon and rising?

Ray: I’m a Capricorn. I think it’s very obvious to anyone who meets me. I’ve also had folks tell me they’re glad— I’m right on the cusp – I was born at like 11:55am on the cusp day in January, and I’ve had many people tell me they’re glad I’m a Capricorn, not an Aquarius as a midwife and I’m like, okay sure. I always get my rising and my moon confused! One of them is Taurus, the other is Aquarius. When I first was trying to figure it out, my partner was like, “Well, definitely Taurus cause you’re very stubborn” and I was like, “Huh, yeah.. probably true.” But I think, yeah 100% Capricorn.

Katie: As a fellow Capricorn sun, I… I’m also glad to have you in the mix of Capricorn birth folks.

Ray: It’s like extremely organized, regimented, y’know, with this process that you cannot predict at all..

Katie: Yeah, yeah, like, mmm no idea what’s gonna happen, but let me tell you, I have 36 plans already made and we’re gonna just pick whichever one, we’re gonna just keep switching them around til something works!

Ray: That is exactly true, yes. 

Katie: What is your favorite thing about being a queer support person, a queer midwife and/or about working with queer and trans families? 

Ray: I think it’s just the way that I can provide culturally competent care. It’s these little things that y’know, you don’t necessarily know this til youre in it, but I remember once doing a postpartum for a family I’d helped catch the baby of that, we were just talking about going through butch phases when we were teenagers and… just having a provider that y’know, just kinda gets it. Understands you, your family, your pronouns. There’s just a lot of shared understanding so you don’t have to explain yourself in a way that leads to a more relaxed care experience. And ultimately, a better care experience, cause you’re seen. 

Katie: Absolutely, and then that time that is not actually about you trying to educate your provider about who you are and instead, and is instead about like “what do you need?”

Ray: Yeah.

Katie: Wildly different experiences of care.

Ray: For sure.

Katie: Reladetly, if you could change one thing about the experience of trying to get pregnant, prengnacy and birth for queer and trans families, what would it be?

Ray: It’s a good question, I think I have a two part answer. The first is insurance reimbursement, because our families are not recognized in the insurance structure and not recognized in fertility treatments, not recognized in our care needs. Trans people have a really, really high out of hospital birth rate and out of hospital birth is not well reimbursed so the options that we try to seek out to meet our care needs and our unique family needs are not, are only available to people with money and typically white people with money. So I think there’s the systemic ways for families to be better recognized in the insurance system so we can access the fertility support we need: access sperm, access second parent adoption with a lot more ease. But then also just the real issue is lack of representation. Pregnant people are assumed to be moms, and their partners are assumed to be dads, and that’s represented in pictures, in books, in literature, in providers offices and it is so, so, so engrained. And It’s really hard to figure out our own family narratives when we’re not represented anywhere, and we’re constantly having to translate stuff to apply to us. 

Katie: What is one piece of advice that you would give to a new or aspiring queer/trans birth worker?

Ray: I think linking up with other queer birth workers. I feel like I have been gay for a long time, and in that time I’ve not always been a queer/trans competent birth worker. Gender is so ingrained in pregnancy, birth and postpartum and I had to do a lot of unlearning and really the best way to continue to do that unlearning and learn how to best serve my community is through the people who are already leading this work. We’re probably the best able to meet our community needs, and also being queer is not a given for being a queer competent or trans competent birth worker, for sure. There’s a lot of extra work that needs to be done. 

Katie: Absolutely. And so much of it is about the stuff that we’ve also internalized about ourselves that also it’s sooo, it becomes so personal.

Ray: Yeah, like gender and babies – I constantly find myself at growing edges where I have a client using they/them pronouns for the baby and I slip up on their pronouns like 5 or 6 times like what the hell? I have more work to do. There’s always more work to do. But it’s like having the community both to learn from and also to support me in continuing to do that work. 

Katie: I think that those communities both of support and accountability are so important. 

Ray: Yeah.

Katie: And what is something not natal related or reproductive related about you and your life that you want to share?

Ray: I think (laughs) my biggest, like, hobby or side-thing outside of midwifery is powerlifting.

Katie: Yeah!

Ray: It’s kind of, yeah, I’ve been like a gym bro for like many years. (laughs) Now that I can’t go to the gym, ummm, yeah, now like a home gym bro, I guess. But, yeah! Feels like a very different side of my life and personality, but is also a very big part of my identity. 

Katie: Wow. That’s incredible. I mean, I feel like a similar type of intensity in like..

Ray: Yeah- I only do things that are intense. I don’t really, like, so I knit so maybe that’s not intense. But typically, it’s like…

Katie: Just something I can really go hard at!

Ray: Yeah, my best lift is bench, which I’m very proud of. 

Katie: In. Credible. Finally, where can people find you in the internet land?

Ray: I think most people find me through instagram, so my practice is Refuge Midwifery, it’s that on Instagram and Facebook. It’s been a really amazing tool for connecting with birthworker community, queer perspective parents and just like trying to continue to build knowledge and power around our families and birth and birth justice. I do an “ask the midwife everything Friday” (some Fridays), and just ways to access midwifery care that doesn’t involve hiring me as your home birth midwife. Y’know, as a practice, I’m serving around an hour radius around Philadelphia for home birth and for doing home IUIs, and I do also sometimes have folks who are outside my service area who just want to do preconception care with me because I’m good at helping people get off gender-affirming hormones to create a pregnancy and just want someone to help navigate that that knows the same language. And definitely the pandemic has opened that up more, so I’m doing a lot more virtual care than I ever have before, so for that you can find me on my midwifery website which is refugemidwfiery.com

Katie: Awesome, thank you so much. It was so wonderful getting to chat with you.

Ray: Yeah! Thanks for asking me to do this, I’m excited for the resource that you’re making.

Categories
interviews

Katie Byron

Katie Byron, they/them, https://www.birthwithkatie.com Katie’s Instagram

Emma: Hey Katie

Katie: Hi

Emma: How are you today? Nice to see you.

Katie: Nice to see you too, doing well!

Emma: Awesome, do you wanna tell us a little about you and your practice?

Absolutely. So my name’s Katie Byron, I use they/them pronouns. I provide full-spectrum reproductive support. So supporting folks through pregnancy, birth, postpartum, also abortion, miscarriage, other pregnancy losses. I am also a childbirth educator and a social worker

Emma: Awesome. That’s a lot, love it. What are you queering right now?

Katie: I am queering … one of the things I’m queering right now is perinatal mental health. It’s certainly a space in which there is certainly a lot of folks who are straight and cis who have a lot of experience working with queer and trans people and famlies. AND there are not as many folks who are queer/trans/nonbinary themselves in this work and it is certainly a place where I think there is deep need both for more education and for folks who are actually from queer and trans communities to be doing the work and to be in positions to be providing support to specifically queer and trans families.

Emma: Yeah, absolutely. Thanks for that, that’s awesome. And such a good point, too, y’know, with all perinatal work, there’s plenty of straight and cis people who say they have experience working with queer families, and that’s great if people feel like they’re a good fit. And also, there’s so much more to it than that. So, thanks for bringing that to the table. What inspired you to do the work that you do?

Katie: A couple, a few spaces – the most, well, one of which being my personal experience particularly as a fat femme person and living in a world where a lot of people have a lot of opinions about my body and what my body does in space and the size of my body and the shape of it has me feeling particularly attuned to the way that bodies get the amount… the amount that our society puts on bodies during reproductive changes, and so there’s something that’s both personally very liberating and healing for me in doing this work of helping and accompanying people as they are finding new ways to claim their bodies as their bodies change. On sort of a more practical note – I like got to college as a young white feminist and was like, “Oh yeah! The way to express my politics is to become a clinic escort at Planned Parenthood.” So, that was work that I did for a couple of years in college and was a space where I saw those micro-interactions mattered to people. That having someone who is going to smile as they walk you from your car, or who is going to ask about where you got your shoes to drown out the sounds of protesters meant something. I certainly think that’s work where I built a lot of my skills around establishing rapport with people and shaped how I approach people understanding that I might be approaching people who are about to step into who knows what kind of shaming/judgmental landscape. It was in that work that I started to learn about other forms of abortion support work and actually found out that there were people who did support work around abortion. After I finished college, I moved down to DC, I did a training with the DC Doulas for Choice Collective and started working in clinics providing support to folks around abortion experiences. That for me was really a transformative space of realizing, this is in fact not about my politics. That was a wild presumptive mindset. And that really the thing that was so moving to me about the work was not because it was some expression of my politics in any kind of way, but it was about the experience of being with people and of sitting with just the messiness of what an abortion meant to someone or what any kind of reproductive experience might mean for someone. Whether it’s the thing that means you get to go on your vacation and have margaritas without any sense of guilt or if it’s like a really complicated thing that is tied into feelings about a relationship or whatever else. Often, when I think about what inspired me to get into a lot of the work that I do, I think back to some of those initial clinic experiences and the people who I had the honor of getting to sit with and and be with and got to really fall in love with that way of being with people. 

Emma: Yeah, that’s really awesome. So drawn in via maybe college politics and then stuck around for the actual human element of it. That’s awesome. I think a lot of people are gonna go through that similar transformation, so it’s where a lot of people have their starting point. Thanks for sharing. What’s your support philosophy? 

Katie: Yeah, I fundamentally will tell people that I think… I approach this with an understanding that reproductive support work is fundamentally about justice work. My support philosophy comes from a place of acknowledging that we live in a society that has privatized all kinds of care in ways that are not aligned with how humans have at any point in history done care for each other. My support philosophy is rooted in the fact that I don’t really think that any of the hats I wear “should” exist as professions. And, nonetheless, we live in a society that has told us that your community’s not gonna show up for you in hard times or when you’re going through big life transitions. So the way to get support is to bring in some private individual who has “specialized training.” My support philosophy, acknowledging the fact that, it’s messed up that we have to have this at all, comes from a place of really trying to empower people to make real choices about what they want their experience to be like, what tools they already have to deal with hard or big things, and about what kind of story do you want to be able to tell about this experience? This is not – at times, it might feel like something that is happening TO you, and that’s super real, and what kind of sense can we make out of that? What are the ways that this can be integrated into the story of your life? How do you want to understand this experience? So that’s a lot of how I approach my support work.

Emma: Amazing, I love it. To acknowledge sort of the history of any kind of support work, being not a “professional” role that you do training to do. It’s because of the system that we have these roles, because the system doesn’t have these roles in it. So, uh – amazing! Thank you so much for bringing that up. OK! So we’ve talked about your natal work, what’s in your natal chart! Tell me your sun, moon, rising. 

Katie: I am a Capricorn sun, virgo moon, libra rising. 

Emma: Nice, alright alright. Libras!

Katie: I feel like there’s a lot of libra energy in birth work.

Emma: That’s awesome. I’ve never had anyone say that to me, but I have clients ask me my chart sometimes, and I’m like, “Libras get along with everyone, so it’s cool.”

Katie: I’ve definitely seen threads of birth workers talking about their charts, and I feel like I’ve seen a lot of libra energy.

Emma: Right on, libras, hit us up! Amazing. So what’s your fabroite thing about being a queer support perosn or working with LGBTQ families?

Katie: Yeah, one of my favorite things about queering support work is about the ways that we’re able to acknowledge relationships. I think that particularly in medical systems, and y’know I’ve worked in hospitals as a social worker as part of my social work training, I also wear another hat in a spiritual care realm – I’ve served as a chaplain in hospitals. Something I consistently see is the way that there are real hierarchies of relationships in medical settings. In part, cause there are “next of kin” hierarchies about who gets to make medical decisions for you in an emergency. So, you know, married legal spouses win all the time. I think something that’s really special about queer folks doing support work is that we know that that’s not always and possibly not most of the time true. To be able to acknowledge: who are the most important people in your life around this experience? Maybe the answer is a monogamous partner. Maybe the answer is an aunt who you know had a similar reproductive experience, or a close friend who has been with you for all of the hard times. Or it is a space where actually the person who is best equipped to support you is your metamour who you don’t get along with and actually don’t talk about all that much with… but, this is something that you have a shared experience around and they’re gonna be your… really gonna be your person. Or they’re really organized in a way that’s gonna be helpful. I think that being able to not have… walking in without assumptions about who is going to be most important to you or which relationships are going to be the thing to hold you in this is something that I think is one of my favorite things. To just see all the way that people build community and family. 

Emma: Yeah, that’s awesome. And it really is in these times that those kinds of relationships get tested and called on and it’s like, who’s name do you write on your paperwork and all your medical stuff? That’s a really, really good point! If you could improve one thing about the experience about queer and trans birthing families, what would it be?

Katie: I would do so many things. But if I could change one thing, it would be for providers of all kinds to actually take seriously the words that people use to talk about what’s happening to them and their bodies. Which, I think about both in particular with queer and trans families – the family names that people want used. It’s not…. in every other part of clinical training, people are taught to use the words that your patient or your client uses. And yet, somehow, when it comes to queer and trans families, somehow all of that knowledge just falls out of people’s heads. Or about reproductive experiences in general – I’ve certainly seen, I’ve heard plenty of really horrific stories of medical providers who suddenly don’t have any helpful words to say around abortion, around pregnancy loss. And I think certainly, also, the experiences of all kinds of marginalized people who are telling people about things they’re experienced in their bodies and are being dismissed, or written off, or not taken seriously. I think if I could change one thing, it would be for providers to actually hear the words that people use, take them seriously, and then reflect those words back at people. 

Emma: Amazing. I think that would make lots of subsequent changes! So… good answer, amazing. Do you have any advice for new and aspiring queer and trans birth workers?

Katie: If there’s one piece of advice I would give… you get to, this can be a “choose your own adventure” style path. I think there are a lot of setup in birth world that is like, “You have to do your training, and then you follow the step by step guide to get certified in whatever it is that you trained in, and then you somehow find clients, you probably undersell yourself for the sake of climbing up this… I just think that so many people get stuck and so many people don’t stay in birth work. People who we need in our communities and who the families in our community need as birth workers and as support people because they get lots in the bureaucracy or in the what they think is the step by step thing, and I think the reality is: there are very few rules and if the organization you trained with has a certification process that is trash, you don’t have to do it.

Emma: Yes!


Katie: Right? Like, if the reading list for your training organization is a bunch of heterocis-centered nonsense, like, you don’t have to do it! And if you feel like some step in the process has made it so you’re being asked to do something that’s not aligned with your values, or not how you want to practice, or makes you feel like you need some sort of extra specialized training to know how to do the stuff that you intuitively have been doing your entire life, you don’t have to do it. 

Emma: Amazing, I love it. As someone who, y’know, has been an uncertified birth attendant for ten years – I’m all about it. There’s very little benefit to that depending on the states you live in and the legislation and all that. I like the choose your own adventure advice. That’s good.

Katie: And I think there’s so much that’s like, there are a lot of particularly white cis straight birth workers who have really commodified specific types of training that you dont’ actually have to pay hundreds of dollars to learn how to do that. And I think there’s a lot, I see this a lot in the mental health field. Right? That there are all kinds of very expensive trainings you can do about like, “How to support LGBTQ clients” that are taught by straight people who have all thix “experience “ in part to train queer and trans people who don’t have the “right certifications” to do the thing that they do for their community and all of their clients all of the time. Right?

Emma: And it’s like, who is the money going to? Where are these resources being given? …So what’s something not natal about your life that you want to share with people?

Katie: Something not natal about my life is that I am — yeah, sure! I am trying to think through things that I do. A not natal thing about my life is as I mentioned earlier, I also wear some spiritual care hats. I’m also getting a masters in divinity, which is in part related to natal stuff, it’s certainly in this realm of holistic spiritual and emotional care for folks. But also means that I’m a little bit of a theology nerd. Also always down to talk theologies of liberation. 

Emma: Right on! Liberation theology folks, hit us up! Amazing, Katie, so where can people find you on the internet?

Katie: You can find me at LGBTQBirth.com, my personal birth support website is BirthWithKatie.com you can also find me on instagram @birthwithkatie. 

Emma: Amazing, thank you!

Categories
interviews

Rachel Hess

Rachel Hess, she/her/hers, Rachel’s website and Facebook.

Katie: Alright!

Emma: Hello everyone, thanks for joining us, Rachel Hess. We’re really excited to hear more about you and your practice. So, why don’t we start there? Tell us a little but about you and the work that you do in the world/

Rachel: Yay! So, I am Rachel Hess, I use she her and hers pronouns, and I’m a postpartum doula and also a trainer in Jamaica Plain/the greater Boston area/now the world, virtually. I have two kids who are “old”, 9 and 6 and a half, if you can believe that. So I’m a postpartum doula so typically I used to go into people’s homes and help them with their little babies and from anywhere from sometimes I’d work with people for two weeks, sometimes twelve weeks, it really varies. And my goal always was to or still is to empower new parents with information, but also instinct-trusting, as well, as I’d like to call it. So now I’m doing that work virtually, which is going well in terms of still being able to help parents talk through fears, help normalize things, help strategize around feedings sleeping baby wearing baths – all that sort of fun newborn stuff. I also run parents support groups, so I run parent support groups for first-time parents, second-time parents, and in September I’ll be doing a group for queer parents which I’m very excited about. So those are also really fun, it’s a set group of parents for six weeks, and just sort of a combination of me sort of sharing information about newborns but also parents connecting with each other, finding their village if you will. And the other hat that I wear is that I train providers on LGBTQ cultural humility and that’s been really cool, that’s been building more now that it’s virtual and feels a little more accessible for some folks not having to travel or the way that people have more flexible schedules and stuff so that’s been really great – that’s sort of like, I mean I love babies and I love parents but ending oppression is my heart work, so I need to do that more and sort of speak about my experience but also y’know challenge folks to think about their experience and ways in which they may or may not perpetuate oppression in the perinatal world. Has been really, super rewarding, so. Those are all my hats.

Katie: And they are such good hats!

Rachel: They’re very stylish.

Katie: What are you queering right now? 

Rachel: Great question, always, love that. The birth world, is my goal – to queer that. A lot. I think about, I think what’s so cool about that term is like, y’know we do this training, we talk about definitions of what the “alphabet soup” means, definitions of different types of oppression – all that. But also, when you queer things and think of things in more nonbinary nonlinear ways, that’s better for everyone. I mean some of the conversations I have with my new parents even– even when they’re a straight, married couple (god bless them), I think there are ways that we can think about division of labor, sex, parenting that I think come from a queer standpoint that again, are better for everyone. Some of the conversations I have with new parents about gendering their baby and helping them think through that, I think is really rooted in my queerness even though – again, the more the merrier.

Emma: I love that, Rachel. I think it’s so great to be able to, even when you’re working with straight and cis people, still kind of make your job a queer job (laughs), so that’s amazing.

Rachel: Otherwise, it wouldn’t be very much fun.

Emma: Exactly. Well you gotta make it sustainable. Part of making it sustainable for yourself. Amazing. So what inspired you originally to do this work?

Rachel: Excellent question, so I always like to say that the common thread in all the jobs I’ve ever had is that I really like supporting and teaching adults new things. Even though, almost all my jobs I’ve ever done all involve kids or babies in some ways. It’s really the coaching of adults that is my strength. So I was working at Read Boston, actually, which is a city program for kids and when I had my oldest, who like I said is almost 9 and a half. I had this really amazing birth experience: we had a home birth with midwives, I labored for, I like to brag: 76 hours…


Emma: BRAG!!!

Rachel: Oh, back labor – all the things. So, right – you can’t always control birth, but I really planned it and thought about it and had this really magical experience and then the midwife left and I had this little baby and I was like, “What do I do now? OMG.” I mean, my midwife supported us postpartum as well, but I just felt like there was such a lack of information, resources, support in that period and then I learned that it was a job, like, you could help people at that time as a job! Isn’t that cool? So I was a stay-at-home parent for a while, and then I actually did my postpartum doula training when she was only 9 months old, and I didn’t really start doing it more as a job until actually my youngest was born. So I have been doing it for about six years, but yeah I mean what sort of drew me to it. Sort of similar to birth doula work, or I think, I like to say that my job… I would like to live in the society where my job isn’t a job. Y’Know, where like, people are informed, people feel empowered, there’s better leave, there’s not a disconnect between what the baby needs and what the parents need, where there is like, seamless love care and support between pregnancy, birth and postpartum. So, I think we’re a long way away from that, but… That’s sort of what drew me to it. Long answer to your question.

Katie: I think you’ve touched on this in all of your answers, but just to be like really explicit about it: how do you talk about your philosophy of support?

Rachel: Oh, yeah, totally. So I’m gonna give you an example, actually. 


Katie: Yes, love it.


Rachel: My philosophy is definitely that parents feel empowered. I don’t have an agenda. I have information. And I always think about the first… not the first mom I worked with who had breastfeeding struggles, but the first mom I worked with who did not explicitly breastfeeding her baby. It’s like a real learning experience for me, because it really taught me that my goal is to actually… y’know, I breastfed my daughter til she was 3, my wife breastfed our youngest til she was 3 and a half – she wanted to beat me. Cause it’s a competition (laughs). I think about that mom and how she did not end up explicitly breastfeeding even though that had been her goal originally. But through every step of the process, she had information, she felt like she was making choices around pumping, bottles, formula, putting the baby to the breast, and she decided in the end to do a combination. For her it meant she got to sleep a little more in a different way, she got maybe a little more independence, she decided she didn’t want to pump the way the lactation consultant had suggested that she pump. I had to really be OK with that, and I realized: oh, well, that doesn’t feel bad to me in my job because she got to make all those choices, y’know. I’m a big proponent of breastfeeding, obviously, but I think sometimes the advice people are given is not sustainable from a mental health perspective. Helping people sort through that and feel like y’know the worst is when I have people who are in my groups and they’re already six weeks postpartum and like, no one told them or gave them the option to like, pump when their baby was 2 weeks old and given their baby a bunch of formula. That’s a travesty. But when they’re given choices and understand the consequences of their choices – not “consequences” in a mean way, but just like: yeah, if you give your baby a bunch of bottles and you don’t pump, you won’t make enough milk. That’s a thing. So, figuring out how to do that has been really a big learning experience for me. The point of that story being: my philosophy is information, empowerment, people trusting their gut, people not feeling like they have to sacrifice everything for their baby. This is like a big and totally related to oppression and sexism and patriarchy and all of those things. This idea of the self-sacrificing mother or parent, right? So really having people feel like, you can be a human being and have a baby and that baby is important and what’s best for you is what’s best for the baby – all that kind of stuff. So that’s my philosophy, in a nutshell. 

Emma: That’s awesome, it’s helpful to have examples like that of, y’know, client interactions, different points where you were like, “that was a major growth point for me.”

Rachel: Totally.

Emma: I love the idea of partners, (laughs) I don’t know, trying to beat each other with breastfeeding, that’s like – amazing to me.

Rachel: I mean, we’re both very stubborn and competitive, so that’s not something everyone does.


Emma: Well, speaking of that – you told us about your post-natal work, I wanna know about your natal chart and be honest. 

Rachel: I don’t actually know, so, I’m a what was the listing, it was, moon…


Emma: Sun, moon and rising/ascendednt

Rachel: So my friend says its Capricorn, Cancer and Scorpio


Emma: Oh man. (laughs)

Rachel: What is that response mean?? You have to tell me more.


Emma: I just have a response to scorpios, that’s all (laughs)

Katie: The real thing about these interviews it it’s just revealing Emma and my like, astrological biases (laughs)

Rachel: Is that a thing, astrological biases?

Emma: I mean, it is… implicit astrological biases (laughs)

Katie: Well, I will say: I dont know whats happening for Emma, but as a fellow Capricorn sun, I now feel much closer to you. (laughs)


Rachel: Okay, love that. Gonna learn a lot about my astrological chart in quarantine, and when the moon is full and all of those things… The very beginning of quarantine, I was going for a walk in the arboretum every time there was a full moon, that was really nice.


Emma: Right on, I love that.

Rachel: That’s related, right? 

Emma: Absolutely.

Rachel: That’s when you cleanse your crystals, with the full moon..


Emma: Put em out.

Katie: And aside from the crystals, what’s your favorite thing about being a queer support person, working with queer families?


Rachel: Such a good question. My favorite thing about everything is when it’s queer, so.. Duh. OK, I’ll give you a good example. So, one of the things that… so I think part of that is, as I said from before, how my queer lens helps straight couples navigate things that are traditional gender norms, heteronormativity, all that kind of stuff. One of the things that’s really cool that a lot of people really like about working with me is that I’ve been in both roles – I’ve been a birth parent but I’ve also been a non-birth parent, and so, this is gonna sound really funny, but I really like working with dads, like especially ones who are open to having feelings and and trying to figure out their role. Some of the coolest conversations I’ve had have been around talking to dads who have to like, go back to work in two weeks and work in these super macho environments where like, you don’t help with this/that or the other, or you’re expected to just leave your baby and not have feelings about it. Having these really empathic heart conversations with these dudes who are like, I love this baby and why is it OK that I have to go back? And I’m like, “Well it’s not OK, and that sucks! and you can have feelings about it!” Then also that piece around watching the person that you are partnered with and love go through some of that early postpartum hormones, pain, feelings and just how can you help and then help doesn’t always mean like taking over the feeding of the baby. That caring for that person is part of bonding with the baby. So I feel like that’s part of a pretty unique lens that I provide for families, straight and otherwise. So I like that. And what do I like about working with queer famililes? I mean, all the things, but also: let’s be really honest, its the kind of humor that you can use with queer folks that just really… like about lube, sex, bdsm all those things. I just feel like there’s so many ripe opportunities for that, and usually with queer folks, it’s like more welcome – although there’s definitely some straight folks where I make those jokes, too. That is one of my favorite things. Sort of insider culture stuff that we can joke about. I recently worked with a queer family who, she would send me photos and be like, “This is for my magazine that I’m gonna make” which was, oh god, what did she call it, it was like, “Butch Parenting Quarterly” and it’d be like pictures of her with like a drill, holding her baby – it was so hilarious. Like that stuff is gold. I need to follow up with her actually to see if she has any more photos that she has to share with me.

Emma: Get me a subscription to Butch Parenting Quarterly!

Katie: I want a calendar, can we have a calendar?

Rachel: I know, right?

Emma: Oh man, we’re gonna have a fundraiser for this… I love it, Rachel, and bless your soul for, y’know, being one of those people who fosters a supportive environment for dad feelings. Like, absolutely integral important soul work. I love you. So, if you could, y’know, thinking of queer and trans families, could you improve one main thing about their experience what would it be?

Rachel: It’s so interesting. I was thinking about this question, because I’ve been doing a lot of this, and I think that …… one of the things I talk about with cultural humility is this idea that you can’t just put a rainbow sticker on your door and be like (wipes shoulders) “I did it, I did all the work, I’m totally gay friendly.” There’s almost a way in which the thing that I want to change is, I want everyone to have to like, do a train-… like, the people that are the challenge are people who feel like they don’t have any more to learn, or don’t have any areas of growth. There’s a way in which that’s the thing I want to change. I want all providers to really, deeply understand and respect this idea of bringing your whole self into a room. Not “tolerance,” even the word “inclusivity” gets me a little. I mean one of the things I would say in my trainings, which, depending on the room, is I don’t want to be like you. I’m better than you because I’m queer. You know what I mean? Ha-ha, but also like: I want things to be where it’s not a deficit or “oh yeah you’re welcome to our straight space.” Where providers can really understand that, and I feel like that’s not a thing yet. It’s more just “Oh yeah, your wife, great I can be on board with that.” or “Oh yeah, I’ll use different pronouns than what I thought. I can be on board with that.” but it isn’t like, “Wow! That’s awesome that you’re queer. How cool!” I don’t know if I’m making sense but that’s the culture shift that I’m wanting to make. That I think impact queer families, but also everyone. A lot of the things I talk about will benefit single parents, or adoptive parents or like grandparents who are raising their kids or all that kind of stuff. 

Katie: Absolutely, so important. Those spaces that are not just like “You’re welcome here” but like, “You’re totally celebrated.” What’s one piece of advice that you have for new or aspiring queer and trans birth/postpartum/reproductive workers?

Rachel: Baby queers, you mean? 

Emma: Professional baby queers.

Katie: Possibly FULLY queers, but like, baby birth workers

Rachel: Baby birth workers, there ya go. Good distinction. I think one of the things that I’ve learned that I’ve talked about a little bit – You don’t have to compromise who you are to get people to hire you. The more fully you can be yourself, especially in your queerness, the better off that is for everyone. That’s actually a strength as opposed to like something straight people – are they gonna be weirded out? Or whatever? No- just be all the things. Be all the fabulous. 

Emma: That’s awesome, thank you so much for that.

(rachel’s kid walks in)

Emma: Yeah, so speaking of family members, other things going on in your life – what’s something not baby related, not natal about your life that you want to share with us?

Rachel: I would say, this summer we’ve done more beaching than we’ve ever done, and it’s been spectacular. I’m from northern California, so the ocean is my jam and so I’ve gone to swim in salt water this summer. That’s made me really, really happy.

Emma: That’s awesome. What’s your favorite beach around here?

Rachel: We go to Nantasket a lot, first thing in the morning before it gets crowded. And there’s a beach we go to in Woods Hole, actually. It’s far, but who cares? What else are we doing? I basically have two fish for children at this point, which I’m not complaining about. 

Emma: Love water humans. 

Rachel: And Nana in Weymouth has a pool. So we’ve also been doing that.

Katie: So much good water. 

Rachel: Exactly.


Katie: Where can people find you in internet land?

Rachel: Oh! It’s just rachelhessdoula.com. That’s my website. I also have a facebook page and someday I’ll have an Instagram account? For my doula work? But, not today. Those are the two main places, and Facebook is where I update when groups are happening and offer those. That’s a good place to find me.

Katie: Awesome, thank you so much!